How NOT to Conduct Research

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17535217_s.jpgA Modest Proposal

            This post is about -- as the title suggests -- how NOT to find good, supportive information for your essay. This should in no way prove useful for writing your paper, and you should certainly not pay close attention to what it offers. Incidentally, if you are not familiar with satire, then you should definitely not look it up now.

Step One: Turn Around and Take Two Steps Back

            The first thing is something else. There is no reason to start research early since you just need to find two or three sources (five at most), so just go and do something else for however long you like. By no means should you start thinking about what kind of information you need to find. In fact, you should pick a topic that bores you completely so you can put researching off for as long as possible.

            Once you get around to researching, start with Google or Bing and take the first few hits that you find. Whatever you do, avoid the library. It's not like it's entire purpose is to collect as much information as possible and make accessing it convenient. Books are just too long and scholarly articles too hard to read. After all,  none of their authors spend their entire lives devoted to exploring the complexities and strangenesses of their chosen subjects.

When in Books ...

            Don't worry about introductions, who wrote it, when, or what sources they used. If they got it published (especially on the internet) then it must be true. After all, authors spend their whole lives devoted to exploring their chosen subjects. (Contradiction, by the way, is the soul of scholarly activity.) Everyone tells the truth and no one is ever influenced by personal beliefs, religion, or politics. All you need to worry about is your subject.

            Notes are a complete waste of time, especially when you find nice juicy quotations that you'd like to put in your paper later or suddenly have an idea about something else to research or write about. Authors never think about the structure of their pieces, so you can just read their work in any way you like, picking up little tidbits here and there. Learning, as everyone knows, is just about acquiring facts and not about how you think.

In Conclusion at First

            Ultimately, research should be started late and finished quickly so that you can get back to your regularly scheduled life. It is an unfortunate fact that we have to conduct research for classes, so naturally it is difficult and boring. If you should by mistake find a subject that interests you, then you might actually start enjoying the research process. You might wind up improving how you think, developing strong writing skills and even discovering what education is all about.


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This page contains a single entry by Legible Larry published on May 29, 2013 6:43 PM.

Taking Note was the previous entry in this blog.

Add Some Dazzle to a Dull Essay is the next entry in this blog.

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